My life the past three months has been one word: HECTIC. I have literally been going non-stop and every minute of the day there is something I need to do.
In late August, I returned to school to pursue a Master's degree in Education and this was definitely a major shift from working full time for the past four years. I hadn't read any material critically, written a paper, or sat in a lecture during this time so it definitely took some adjusting. I also began working part time instead of full time which I am sure you can imagine can take some budgetary adjustments as well. I was still living as if I was working full time for the first couple weeks, but was quickly reminded that I cannot do that. Oh yea, I also work part time as a referee once a week. At the same time, I was beginning to prepare for a Dominican cultural pageant, Madame Wob Dwiyet, that would take place in October. I was driving up to Jersey from Philly every weekend to practice for numerous hours, even when I didn't want to. I also had the bright idea of signing up for a personal trainer in August and was meeting with him twice a week. The toughest part of that was being disciplined once I left the gym because this girl LOVES food! All of this left zero time between Monday and Sunday for me to even really relax. I couldn't really focus on anything either because I was always thinking of the next thing I had to do.
The biggest highlight of the past few months was the Madame Wob Dwiyet USA 2013 pageant. This was a brand new experience for me and something I really never thought I would do. I wouldn't consider myself a performer and believed that I have extreme stage fright but I performed my talent and formal dress section without a hitch. After the results were announced, I was of course disappointed that I didn't win nor place 2nd or 3rd. In the weeks leading up to the pageant I was saying that I was fine not winning and was only doing it for the experience, but as soon as I left the stage I burst into uncontrollable tears. It was mostly because of all the time and hard work I knew I had put into the pageant. As my friends and family came backstage to congratulate me the tears intensified with each hug. This was definitely surprising especially since I am NOT a crier. The overwhelming support and love I felt from every one who supported me was so special. It felt wonderful to know so many people had my back and were proud of the job I had done. Though I didn't place, honestly one of the greatest things to come of the pageant was meeting five other awesome young Dominican women. This may be cheesy, but I really didn't have personal relationships with Dominicans who weren't my close relatives. Meeting and spending time with them preparing for the pageant even helped me become closer to the culture. One other really great result was getting Dominica's name out there and being able to share my culture with people who have never experienced it before, let alone heard of the country. I had people asking me about the pageant as I posted promo pictures and even googling "wob dwiyet" to find out more. Everyone I saw after asked me how the pageant went, wanted to see pictures, and wish they could've gone. Even this past weekend, at Penn homecoming, I had classmates I haven't seen in years ask me about it and congratulate me for participating. One person even said, "You seem to really be evolving." This extremely warmed my heart. People are becoming aware of our small in size, but large in culture, Dominica.
This past week (and actually once a week lately) I had a moment where I just felt like there was no way I could get everything done. I just really didnt know where I would find the hours to read articles and books, go to work and class, write a paper, and still sleep. By Thursday afternoon, I unbelievably was able to complete everything on time. This morning (after homecoming festivities all weekend) I forced myself to get out of bed go to Catalyst for Change church where the Penn gospel choir (shout out to NSP) was going to be singing during service. As their alumni chair and trying to build better connections between us and the current undergraduate members, I couldn't not go and show my support. I was supposed to be there this morning. The big message was about God's favor on us and how even when you think it cannot get done, it does. Situations magically work out...but it is not magic. We are blessed and highly favored.
One other lesson I've learned lately is about this little thing called fear. My professor was talking about the fear of writing she used to have (which I feel too) in class on Wednesday, when she said "Fear is a choice. You don't have to be destroyed by your fears!" The choir also sang the song, "Take it to the Lord in Prayer" and one line says "some things we have not, because we ask not". These two statements spoke directly to me in relation to other aspects of my life right now. I have been too afraid to ask for what I want which has later caused me internal turmoil. I remember even having to work up the courage to ask my dad if I could watch tv when I was younger. I have been holding myself back from great things by being too afraid to be shot down. Hearing "no" will NOT harm me and I will not just get anything I do not ask for. Here's to being fearless!
