Dancing in the Rain

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

I had some really low points this past week. I had a few bad conversations last Friday and Saturday and tried to make myself feel better by going out, but that only made my mind race and the feelings of anger and sadness came back. I woke up Sunday feeling like I was okay, went to church, played basketball, and cleaned my apartment. I also decided to go shopping on my day off Monday to provide some retail therapy. Again, the feelings remained. I went to work Tuesday not feeling like myself. I was completely distracted by the thoughts in my own head and felt like I couldn't concentrate on any project I started to work on. The only thing that got me through that day was having practice with my girls after work. The one who had quit the team days before apologized to me after practice and I knew at that point that they get what I am trying to do for them. I went to the gym that night to workout, which was the first time actually using the machines and not just playing basketball in months. It felt good to run on the elliptical and ride the bike and push myself past the normal 10 minutes I usually do. A good playlist can really keep you going. I used to get bored on those machines within 5 minutes, but I've learned from other people running to cover the timer with my towel and before I know it I've been running for more than 20 minutes!

I then decided to use one of the leg machines to work out my knee when another low moment came. I couldn't raise 10lbs with my left leg. It was ridiculously easy for my right leg, but my left leg whose knee I had surgery on 6 years ago was trembling to lift the weight. It was at that point that this "bum knee" of mine was no longer a joke. I had visions of being 35 with a cane and almost cried. It is time I really did something about this and go to physical therapy (yet again) to strengthen these sleeping muscles. I have been trying to do some exercises on my own in the past few days, but am going to speak to my doctor this week.

You know when you're subconsciously hurting about something and those emotions come out in other situations? Yea so that happened Wednesday. I thought I was doing fine, but I started to feel symptoms of being sick (which I think is from going out in the rain). It was the worst day for that because I had an intramural basketball game and my team was scheduled to play the #2 team (we were #1) plus I had to work the rest of the night. After the 2nd half of the game I knew my immune system was taking over from the 3 airballs I shot and 4 layups I missed. Long story short, we lost the game and I was heated especially after one of the women on the other team purposely didn't shake my hand. How rude! You won, why be like that? So here I was mad about this game, mad that I was getting sick, mad about my past weekend's convos and that spilled over into my reactions with everyone I worked with that night. It wasn't pretty, but I did apologize and acknowledge that I wasn't being myself.

Thursday I decided I couldn't let certain issues filter into different parts of my life and tried to go to work with a new attitude. I received some really great news that I have been waiting for that morning, but still could not be truly excited about it. I also was feeling more sick and decided I needed to stay home Friday. I spent all of Friday in bed coughing, sneezing, wheezing, drinking orange juice, tea, and soup and woke up Saturday feeling much better. I had another not so pleasant conversation that night, but decided to move past it and remember that things work out the way they are supposed to.

So here we are back at Sunday. I always feel like Sundays are a reset button for a bad week. I went to church, a meeting for a pageant I am interested in, and the Philly boys basketball championship game. Today really felt like a new day and I am ready to take on this week with a whole new mindset. I acknowledge what happened and my feelings about it still exist, but I have to keep moving forward. So when I wake up tomorrow I willl NOT moan and groan and say why? I will appreciate that am awake and make the most of my day.

Update on my Lenten promises: I have not had a sip of alcohol, nor a bite of a chip or cookie. I have slacked off a little with my writing every day, but this extra long post makes up for this week.